54th Challenge Result (the pizza toppings.)

Howdy! I’m going to hand this right over to debrarian:

With Ben we watched some fishy pool being poorly played:

“Cod Liver” Louie.
Worst pool player ever. Veins
filled with salt water.

Jenny T got internal rhyme points with the all-too-vivid “urped fish burps” in this one:

Cod liver louie –
my mom’s idea of healthy food.
Urped fish burps all night.

In Seth’s world, I’m picturing some kind of naturopathic 50’s greaser:

Cod Liver, Louie!
It’s the wave of the future!
Put some in your hair.

But Joanna got me to laugh and got my vote with this very sensible assessment:

Cod?! Liver?! Louie
should not be allowed to pick
the pizza toppings.

Thanks, debrarian! And yay, me! Our new first line is the pizza toppings. Start writing; I’ll be back on Monday with my pick.

Yours,
Joanna

53rd Challenge Result (Cod Liver Louie.)

Howdy, haikuers! Before I turn things over to Alec, let’s talk fish eye:

Kevin Moore got us started:

Fish eye creeps me out,
but not as much as a fish
eye lens draws me in.

Leila brought us:

Fish eye creeps me out,
Wasabi, soy sauce, ginger…
Sushi 101

And from debrarian:

Fish eye creeps me out –
And I’m not all that fond of
Lobster lip, either.

Take it away, Alec!

Apparently the creepy fish eye was more grossology than inspiration this week (Go figure! )

I enjoyed the entries that were there though: Kevin went photographic, Leila went educational, and debrarian went all mid-twen-cen gangster on us. I think I’d like to see a show starring Fish Eye and Cod Liver Louie! So here’s your winner:

Fish Eye creeps me out,
But not as much as his boss,
Cod Liver Louie.

Way to go, Debrarian!

Thanks, Alec! And congratulations to debrarian! Our new first line is Cod Liver Louie. Start writing, and I will be back on Monday with debrarian’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

52nd Challenge Result (fish eye creeps me out)

Happy Anniversary, haikuers! Yep, it has been approximately one year since I posted the first challenge. Thank you to everyone who has participated over the past year! You all ROCK. I’m hoping to put together a little zine with the first year of poems; I’ll keep you posted.

I’m going to turn things over to Kevin now:

O-tay. Here’s my judgements. I even commented on all of ‘em, just so’s you don’t got to.

I identify with Seth’s ennui:

Blank stare and some drool.
That’s how my job ends each day.
Love my cubicle.

…and Ben’s lethargy:

Blank stare and some drool?
Took two Tylenol PM.
Tried to stay awake.

[Note from Joanna: Ben wrote one more after I received Kevin's response but before I had posted it:

Blank stare and some drool…
and I let my drink get cold.
Topless coffee hut.]

Alec channels Stanislavsky:

“Blank stare and some drool!”
I do love giving zombies
their stage directions

ismoon.maria goes for the gut:

(blank stare): “And some drool…”
that lecture grossed us all out
vomit heave vomit

Joanna comes so close to the finish line:

Blank stare and some drool:
Not the brightest of my dates
(Thank god he’s well-hung)

But as much as I love a good dick joke, Alec wins me over with sheer gross-out:

Blank stare and some drool.
Sure, the meal is fresh; but that
fish eye creeps me out

Alec FTW.

Thanks, Kevin! And congratulations to Alec! Our new first line is fish eye creeps me out. (Hmm, I could write the same haiku as I did this week and just replace this as the first line…) Anyway, get to it, and I’ll see you on Monday with Alec’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

51st Challenge Result (blank stare and some drool.)

Hello! It has cooled off a bit here, so I can think again. Yay! Let’s enjoy some haiku, shall we?

ismoon.maria went traveling:

ask for directions
i dare you crazy ass goon
new york attitude

and then stayed home:

“Ask for di” — “..rections
lasting more than four hours.”
Flippin’ channels bored.

Alec took a, um, hard line:

Ask Ford. Irections,
car companies… both just need
the right stimulus.

and gave us a bit of a warning:

Ask for directions,
and you risk getting it right
on the first attempt

jenny t dealt with the male ego:

Ask for directions -
he gets all huffy. Blow jobs
are complicated!

HAM! gave us two cautionary tales:

“Ask for directions??!?
Why would I do that?” I say
“I know where I’m – aaaaah!”

and

“Ask for directions??!?
Why?” said Bob. “I know where I’m -”
“Aaaaaah!” “Ouch!” THUD “uh-oh.”

Leila was hesitant:

Ask for directions?
Ummm… Okay…. Do you want it
Frontside or backside?

and Seth was hungry:

Ask for directions
But they’re all in Korean.
All I want is toast!

And now I will pass things over to Ben…

I liked HAM’s first attempt. I’ve been there.

Ismoon.Maria’s haiku appealed to my east coast roots.

But ultimately I have to choose Kevin Moore’s submission; and while I’m not sure where he is when he is asking for those directions, I think he should just get back in his car and keep driving!

Ask for directions
And what do you get? A long
blank stare and some drool.

Thanks, Ben! And congratulations to Kevin! Our new first line is blank stare and some drool. Heh. Have at it, and I will be back on Monday with Kevin Moore’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

50th Challenge Results (ask for directions.)

I know, I know, I’m extremely late this week. My only defense it that it has been approximately two bazillion degrees here in Portland; spending more than two minutes at a time in my sauna-like house was unbearable.

ismoon.maria understands what I’m talking about:

I miss the o…zone
Sunstroke…confusion. Baked
like a potato

jenny t prioritized:

I miss the ozone
But I also miss my spray-
on deodorant.

and Leila was cinematic:

I miss “The Oz”. One
never gets tired of the
Munchkins peppy dance!

And now we go to Alec, who is on vacation without internet access; Ben dutifully transcribed the following from a phone conversation:

I enjoyed the creative use of syllables, with bak-ed AND ti-yured; and I was enticed by Oz’s pizzazz but the lost man is such a compelling image and “ask for directions” is too good an opening line to pass up.

I miss the “O” zone
but I’m a man, so I won’t
ask for directions.

Since some of you may be suspicious with this selection coming from me via ben, here’s the lame haiku that you know no one but me would come up with.

I’m is the Oz one
follow the yello brik road
to my grammur skuul

Thanks, Alec! And congratulations to Ben, even if the circumstances are suspicious. So our new first line is ask for directions. I’ll give you an extra day to work on that, and I’ll be back on Tuesday with Ben’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

49th Challenge Result (I miss the ozone…)

Hello! Before we get to Mad Dog’s pick, let’s review.

juju (Julianne) got us started with some shenanigans:

under the full moon
his jeans were pulled down too far…
Copenhagen lost.

HAM! discussed science:

Under the full moon,
are you really under it?
Space bamboozles me.

Ben planned his weekend:

Under the full moon
dispose of the bodies; then
check for witnesses

ismoon.maria looked a little too closely:

Under the full moon
seeing a rabbit or face
Scares me a bit, man

and helped us get dressed:

Under the full moon
furry legs, muscles, feet
find your underwear!

I got caught in the act:

Under the full moon
enough light for neighbors to
see naked romp. Oops.

and as for Kevin Moore:

Under the full moon
An empty parking lot is
Where I eat jello.

Mad Dog was most pleased with Alec’s submission, noting that “it has a certain haikuosity.”

Under the full moon
I wear SPF fifty
I miss the ozone…

Thanks, Mad Dog! And congratulations to Alec! Our new first line is I miss the ozone. Get creative, and I’ll see you on Monday with Alec’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

48th Challenge Result (under the full moon)

Hi again! We appear to be in a bit of a summer haiku slump: only four new haiku this week! Good thing they were all awesome. And speaking of awesome, Sam2U managed to pick a winner on time, even though she is “currently in Ontario in a cabin by a lake with a very windy dock” and had to track down cell service to phone Ben who emailed me! Now that’s haiku dedication, y’all. Before we get to her pick, let’s admire the other entries:

mattrix toyed with the Dark Side:

My! We’re “Wolf Boy!” Friend,
stop snarling! Halloween is
over, Dick Cheney!

jenny t hit the salon:

My werewolf boyfriend –
I took him to Club Waxx for
some man/wolf-scaping.

Ben helped the folks put things in perspective:

My werewolf boyfriend;
so mom won’t mind next time I’m
dating a drummer

Sam2U was most impressed with newcomer Mad Dog’s dating woes:

my werewolf boyfriend
I cannot hold him at bay
under the full moon

Congratulations to Mad Dog! And thanks to Sam2U (and Ben)! Our new first line is under the full moon. Have at it, and I will be back on Monday with Mad Dog’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

47th Challenge Result (my werewolf boyfriend.)

Hello haiku hotties! I hope you’re having a lovely July. Let’s appreciate some haiku!

mattrix wasn’t loafing around:

Now he’s such a heel,
Used to be upper crust, but
now: out of bread. D’oh!

jenny t expressed some anger:

“Now he’s such a heel…”
Rat…..Asshole…Dick….Fuckhead! She
said, working up steam.

Alec weighed in:

Now he’s such a heel
He can elevate your game
Pliant and bouncy

As did Iris:

Now he’s such a heel
as opposed to then
when he was so into Zen

All were great, and of course I loved mattrix’s multiple puns… But in the end, Sam2U’s dating woes won me over:

“…now he’s such a….” “Heel!
Leave it!” Its hard to defend
my werewolf boyfriend.

Congratulations to Sam2U! Our new first line is my werewolf boyfriend. Start writing, and I’ll be back on Monday with Sam2U’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

46th Challenge Result (“Now he’s such a heel.”)

Wow, “effing shoe fetish” really had folks stymied! There were only five brave writers this week; let’s review the entries before we get to ismoon.maria’s pick.

Becki was alphabetic:

Effing shoe fetish
Geeing up for gravity
“H”ing to the hey!

Jen flirted with jailbait:

Effing shoe fetish
Caught under a table. Dang,
her toes looked 18

CuJen addressed everyone’s frustration:

“Effing shoe fetish?!?!??!!”
Can’t start a Haiku with that!
School’s out — brain’s on strike!

And jenny t pointed out the practical:

Effing shoe fetish!
Sounds sexy, but frankly, makes
one prone to bunions.

Valiant efforts, all! In the end, ismoon.maria supported my ridiculous urge to pun:

“Effing shoe fetish
stole his sole,” she said archly.
“Now he’s such a heel.”

Thanks to ismoon.maria, and yay to me! Our new first line is Now he’s such a heel. Get work, and I will see you on Monday with my pick.

Yours,
Joanna

45th Challenge Result (Effing shoe fetish)

Happy summer! Before we get to Alec’s commentary and pick, let’s review all of the haiku.

Two great entries from CuJen:

Since I stole his phone,
You will have to take his pants.
“Double-Dog Dare” you!

and

Since I stole his phone
OMG LMAO!
I love free texting!

From jenny t:

Since I stole his phone
God receives all his prayers old
school: brain dump. He’s mad.

And from me:

Since I stole his phone
he owes Sprint four hundred bucks
(Shouldn’t have dumped me)

And now I will hand it over to Alec:

A small but potent crop of Haiku this week, with lessons and laughs to make my judging job fun. I learned from JennyT that God likes technology more than I knew; Joanna’s tale of love spurned had just the right amount of vindictiveness; Cujen’s “Double Dog Dare” had me chuckling, and I loved her TXTNG FN. But when I got to IsMoon.Maria’s entry, I let out a full belly laugh. Who am I to argue with first impressions? The belly laugh wins.

Since I stole, his phone
is ringing, “Bail me out, dear”
Effing shoe fetish

Looks like we’ve got some Effing shoe fetishes to deal with this coming week….

Thanks, Alec! And congratulations to ismoon.maria! Our new first line is Effing shoe fetish. Get to work, and I’ll be back with ismoon.maria’s pick next Monday.

Yours,
Joanna