48th Challenge Result (under the full moon)

Hi again! We appear to be in a bit of a summer haiku slump: only four new haiku this week! Good thing they were all awesome. And speaking of awesome, Sam2U managed to pick a winner on time, even though she is “currently in Ontario in a cabin by a lake with a very windy dock” and had to track down cell service to phone Ben who emailed me! Now that’s haiku dedication, y’all. Before we get to her pick, let’s admire the other entries:

mattrix toyed with the Dark Side:

My! We’re “Wolf Boy!” Friend,
stop snarling! Halloween is
over, Dick Cheney!

jenny t hit the salon:

My werewolf boyfriend –
I took him to Club Waxx for
some man/wolf-scaping.

Ben helped the folks put things in perspective:

My werewolf boyfriend;
so mom won’t mind next time I’m
dating a drummer

Sam2U was most impressed with newcomer Mad Dog’s dating woes:

my werewolf boyfriend
I cannot hold him at bay
under the full moon

Congratulations to Mad Dog! And thanks to Sam2U (and Ben)! Our new first line is under the full moon. Have at it, and I will be back on Monday with Mad Dog’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

47th Challenge Result (my werewolf boyfriend.)

Hello haiku hotties! I hope you’re having a lovely July. Let’s appreciate some haiku!

mattrix wasn’t loafing around:

Now he’s such a heel,
Used to be upper crust, but
now: out of bread. D’oh!

jenny t expressed some anger:

“Now he’s such a heel…”
Rat…..Asshole…Dick….Fuckhead! She
said, working up steam.

Alec weighed in:

Now he’s such a heel
He can elevate your game
Pliant and bouncy

As did Iris:

Now he’s such a heel
as opposed to then
when he was so into Zen

All were great, and of course I loved mattrix’s multiple puns… But in the end, Sam2U’s dating woes won me over:

“…now he’s such a….” “Heel!
Leave it!” Its hard to defend
my werewolf boyfriend.

Congratulations to Sam2U! Our new first line is my werewolf boyfriend. Start writing, and I’ll be back on Monday with Sam2U’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

46th Challenge Result (“Now he’s such a heel.”)

Wow, “effing shoe fetish” really had folks stymied! There were only five brave writers this week; let’s review the entries before we get to ismoon.maria’s pick.

Becki was alphabetic:

Effing shoe fetish
Geeing up for gravity
“H”ing to the hey!

Jen flirted with jailbait:

Effing shoe fetish
Caught under a table. Dang,
her toes looked 18

CuJen addressed everyone’s frustration:

“Effing shoe fetish?!?!??!!”
Can’t start a Haiku with that!
School’s out — brain’s on strike!

And jenny t pointed out the practical:

Effing shoe fetish!
Sounds sexy, but frankly, makes
one prone to bunions.

Valiant efforts, all! In the end, ismoon.maria supported my ridiculous urge to pun:

“Effing shoe fetish
stole his sole,” she said archly.
“Now he’s such a heel.”

Thanks to ismoon.maria, and yay to me! Our new first line is Now he’s such a heel. Get work, and I will see you on Monday with my pick.

Yours,
Joanna

45th Challenge Result (Effing shoe fetish)

Happy summer! Before we get to Alec’s commentary and pick, let’s review all of the haiku.

Two great entries from CuJen:

Since I stole his phone,
You will have to take his pants.
“Double-Dog Dare” you!

and

Since I stole his phone
OMG LMAO!
I love free texting!

From jenny t:

Since I stole his phone
God receives all his prayers old
school: brain dump. He’s mad.

And from me:

Since I stole his phone
he owes Sprint four hundred bucks
(Shouldn’t have dumped me)

And now I will hand it over to Alec:

A small but potent crop of Haiku this week, with lessons and laughs to make my judging job fun. I learned from JennyT that God likes technology more than I knew; Joanna’s tale of love spurned had just the right amount of vindictiveness; Cujen’s “Double Dog Dare” had me chuckling, and I loved her TXTNG FN. But when I got to IsMoon.Maria’s entry, I let out a full belly laugh. Who am I to argue with first impressions? The belly laugh wins.

Since I stole, his phone
is ringing, “Bail me out, dear”
Effing shoe fetish

Looks like we’ve got some Effing shoe fetishes to deal with this coming week….

Thanks, Alec! And congratulations to ismoon.maria! Our new first line is Effing shoe fetish. Get to work, and I’ll be back with ismoon.maria’s pick next Monday.

Yours,
Joanna

44th Challenge Results (since I stole his phone.)

Look at me, posting on time! Miracles do happen! Speaking of, let’s get to the haiku:

ismoon.maria started us off on the theological bent:

My pastor’s ring tone.
It’s bitchin’ for atheists
like me, in my head

jenny t followed up with this (note: this was Sam2U’s runner-up pick):

My pastor’s ring tone:
“What would Jesus do? He’d say:
answer the damn phone!”

and this:

My pastor’s ring tone:
“Baby got back…greenback….so
tithe mo’tho-’fo, tithe.”

david r voiced his discomfort:

My pastor’s ring tone:
“Backdoor Betty, She’s my Gal”
Just doesn’t seem right…

And then there was julianne:

My pastor’s ring tone
startles me… (oops) too many
virtual confessions.

Ben considered two possibilities:

My pastor’s ring tone,
“Get off of my cloud”, makes me
think heaven’s crowded.

and:

My pastor’s ring tone?
“Dick In A Box.” I’m going
to hell for that one.

And Alec might be on something:

My past? or ’sring tone?
Mumbling indistinctly,
I ponder flashbacks.

But it was Alec’s confession that won Sam2U’s haiku heart:

My pastor’s ring tone
Makes me feel guilty each day…
since I stole his phone.

Thanks, Sam2U! And congratulations to Alec! Our new first line is since I stole his phone. Have at it, and I’ll be back on Monday with Alec’s pick.

Yours,
Joanna

43rd Challenge Result (My pastor’s ring tone.)

Due to my embarrassingly late posting last week, there are only four new haiku this week. We’ll get back on schedule soon, I swear! Before we get to Julianne’s pick, let’s review the soul-saving…

Sam2U learned some hard truths:

“Who” will save their souls!
… He is a real doctor, right?
TV has failed me.

Iris Armos was pensive:

Who will save their souls
is unknown to me. Who will
save mine? Nobody

And I gave a shoutout to Abbott & Costello:

Who will save their souls;
he’s a faith healer as well
as a first baseman.

Julianne’s pick is this haiku from Sam2U that brings us back some 90’s Alaskan folk-pop:

“… who will save their souls
Yada daht da dada ”
My pastor’s ring tone.

Thanks, Julianne! And congratulations to Sam2U! Our new first line is My pastor’s ring tone. I’m going to try to get this blog back on schedule, so I should be posting the next haiku on Monday. Get writing!

Yours,
Joanna

42nd Challenge Result (who will save their souls?)

AAAAAHHHHH!!! I am so late this time. My apologies; I’ve been out of town and away from the interwebs all week, and I forgot to post before I left. Let’s get to the penguins, quick!

jenny t started us off with a pun after my own heart:

Of sinful penguins
I sing. Those stately yet ‘fowl’-
mouthed little buggers.

Ben decried messing with a legacy:

…of sinful penguins?
This ain’t “Walt’s” Disney. What’s next?
Some mermaids gone wild?

and evaluated his diet:

…of sinful penguins?
Man, that dream was wack! No more,
with the spicy Thai.

Leila talked sports, sort of:

“…of sinful Penguins.
Let’s try to get them real drunk,”
said Red Wing local.

mattrix gave us a lesson in literature:

“Of Sinful Penguins” –
Just the first draft. Final draft:
“Of Mice and Men.” Score!

Sam2U addressed some rumors:

“… Of sinful penguins,
ye shall vanquish.” read the seal.
Snopes could not confirm.

Beth addressed consequences:

Of sinful penguins
The best laid eggs go awry
Must hire a sitter

Alec read some ads:

“…of sinful penguins!!”
Really? For barrels of fun,
I thought monkeys best.

Julianne schooled us on the sciences, both evolutionary:

Of sinful penguins
Darwin thought, “Tuxedo as
aphrodisiac?”

…and library:

["Of Sinful Pen" - Guin,
Le, Ursula K.] … a book
forever misshelved.

And Kevin Moore went out to eat (and added a letter):

Of sin, full penguins
agree: KFC is still
cannibalism.

All wonderful; but in the end, Julianne’s “obviously this isn’t an official entry” referencing this ridiculous discussion amused me so much that I decided to call it an official entry:

Of sinful penguins
undue concern is expressed…
who will save their souls?

Congratulations to Julianne! Our new first line is who will save their souls? Since I am posting this so late in the week, I will give you all until Tuesday to get creative; I’ll see you then with Julianne’s pick!

Yours,
Joanna

41st Challenge Result (of sinful penguins)

Sorry for the posting delay! I’m going to turn things right over to Alec:

Sorry for the late selection of the winner! Though oddly appropriate for a set of Haikus starting with “Hell Freezes Over”…. Before I get to my selection, a review of this week’s candidates:

mattrix attributed global warming to diabolical heat pumps (Hmm… Thermodynamics really is hell! That 2nd year engineering course is starting to make more sense now)

Hell freezes over
Twelve percent of new inmates.
Thanks, global warming!

Julianne posited that the Wall Street mess is having an even more widespread effect than any of us had thought…

Hell freezes, over-
head is as expensive as
Wall Street’s sinful ways.

Sam2U went where non-Canadians go only at their own risk…

Hell Freezes Over:
Canadians have a chance
to win Stanley Cup.

…pushing Mr. Dangerfield – I mean, CuJen – to pull the “No respect!” card followed by this Haiku… (Can you hear the plaintive call for simpler days when hockey and weather followed rules you could count on?)

Hell freezes over!
Hockey’s played in the desert.
Winnipeg’s too warm.

Julianne saw a less-than-splendid ending to her own story…

Hell freezes over
my dead body, while angels’
guitars grimly reap.

Kevin Moore found the perfect probability match between Hell shut-down and healthy eating…

Hell freezes over,
my mom stops feeding sugar
to my rabid kids.

…and HAM! pictured what an appropriate comeuppance for Hell’s CEO might look like

Hell freezes over
and the Devil gets brain freeze
when the yetis come.

[Joanna here with a quick interjection--In the brief time between Alec choosing a haiku and me getting this posted, two more haiku appeared. Here they are for your reading pleasure.

From Ben:

Hell freezes over.
Devil moves to Florida.
Finds heat oppressive.

And from Julianne:

Hellfreezesover!!
Ronco’s latest appliance
…as seen on TV!

Okay, carry on, Alec!]

Kevin’s and HAM’s both gave me chuckles, and were vying for the prize, until…

…A last-minute entry from Joanna hit the “save the best ‘til last” nail on the head, giving us our winner of:

Hell freezes over
preparing for an influx
of sinful penguins.

Thanks, Alec! And yay, Me! Our new first line is of sinful penguins. Start writing, and I’ll see you next Monday with MY pick!

Yours,
Joanna

40th Challenge Result (‘Hellfreezesover’…”)

Hello haikuers! I’m going to turn things right over to Sam2U:

This week in haiku…

Kevin reminded us of proper etiquette:

When called to post bail
it is always appropriate
to tip the jailer.

Ben shared his sense of justice:

When called to post bail
say “this hurts me more than you”
and leave dad in jail.

CuJen showed she is a Gibson-girl:

When called to post bail
I was “starstruck”…then confused…
Mel knows my number?

[Note: There was another last minute entry from CuJen:

When called to post bail,
Don’t expect she’ll go ‘halvesies’
Even on the gas.]

Julianne divulged us in her secret:

When called to post bail,
my licentious past revealed…
which Daniel is this?!

Ben let us in on the message Kato spaced:

When called to post bail,
cash is stashed in white bronco.
Ignore bloody glove.

Leila has a thoughtful plan in place:

When called to post bail,
please remember to bring me
some fresh underwear.

While Jenny let ‘er rip:

When called to post, Bail-
ey stood in her stirrups to
protect her young butt.

Alec had some good advice about taking phone calls:

When called to post bail,
Try not to laugh. Or hang up.
They know your address.

It was a hard decision, but because of the way my day has been going, I choose Mr. Alec Hellfreezesover’s:

When, called to post bail:
“You do know my last name is
‘Hellfreezesover’…”

PS The last line of Alec’s paranoid haiku inspired:

They know you. Rad dress,
strategically placed fruit
… unforgettable.

Thanks, Sam2U! And congratulations to Alec! Our new first line is ‘Hellfreezesover’…” As always, punctuation and capitalization can be changed. Get cracking, and I’ll be back on Monday with Alec’s pick!

Yours,
Joanna

39th Challenge Result (when called to post bail.)

Hello! It is a strange coincidence that the first line this past week was all about mothers, hmm?

Ben discussed mom’s culinary prowess here:

Mother’s self-esteem…
shaky at best. So eat that
“casserole” and smile.

and here:

Mother’s self-esteem?
Based on our natural love.
(Bolstered with baked goods.)

Sam2U was reflective:

Mother’s self-esteem
is linked to her reflection
in the chrome toaster.

And CuJen summoned the fashion police:

Mother’s self-esteem?
Unjustifiably high!
Who wears THAT outside???

And now I’ll hand it over to jenny t:

Here’s my haiku pick:

Mother’s self-esteem
grew when giving birth, but dropped
when called to post bail.

They all were great, but this one from Sam2U had the LOL factor. Also it reminded me of that song from the 80’s – “Hello Dad? I’m in Jail! Happy Birthday Dad!” And of course, the song is on youtube.

Thanks, jenny! And congratulations to Sam2U! Our new first line is when called to post bail. Spread the word and start writing, and I’ll be back with Sam2U’s pick on Monday!

Yours,
Joanna